Lawyers 101: Best Investment Ever

Meet Your Lawyer

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Taking one look around you, it seems that law is everywhere. It is an invisible force that governs the universe. While the title is pretty much self explanatory, even in the eyes of a skeptic, hiring a lawyer in some situations is the best advice you could ever get, apart from paying your mortgage on time.
While lawyers can be considered as leeches or lying weasels, who are only good at salting away huge fees, they are certainly no belly-dancers. For the sake of giving a brief background, the fattened history of the lawyer dates back to at least a millennium or in layman’s terms, back when the Dead Sea wasn’t even sick yet. So, you see, these twisted few have flourished with their Armani suits, courtroom antics and a firm hand up governments, corporations and justice’s ass when it comes to even the most unsavory of activities.
So, what I’m trying to say is that even with their unusual tendency of shaking their penises at every woman they come in to a ten feet radius with, these guys know their shit, and they have the evolutionary history to prove it.

Uses of a Lawyer

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Often considered akin to biological weapons, the lawyer is often used by humans to settle deep-seated family disputes or other matters of the heart (like suing that slutty wife who asks for alimony).
The interesting thing about lawyerdom is that they can be found in courtrooms, dark allies, and (although never documented), in some cases, even below the sea, representing the scum of the earth, or mostly others like themselves. In other words, the kind of people they wouldn’t come within twenty feet of themselves, (I’m talking about you and me).

The Experts Cost Money

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While there are many side skirmishes that goes on in the court room, the main battle is always between the judge, the jury and well, you. And since lawyers have the natural ability to be drawn towards the stench of cheating spouses, personal injury and general unrest, their natural genetics make they a natural for settling any disputes in the victim’s favor, that depends on whether or not you’re sitting on their side of the bench.
But if you have hired the likes of Alan Shore or Denny Crane types, then you can rest assure that they will take any twisted and notoriously foggy situation of your suffering and translate that into a juicy dollar figure. WHOO HOO! And depending on their skill when it comes to pleading the case, a jury can be moved to shocking acts of pure, almost Democratic generosity.

Ending Note

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While fossils from the Cretinous period have shown that lawyers were in fact, once warm blooded, that being said, if you do happen to find a lawyer, buried neck deep in sand on a deserted island or in the middle of a desert…you will be needing more sand. All in all, the best part of a lawyer is that they work for the people, nobody ever said that about the insurance companies or hospitals now did they. Nuff said!

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